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敢说话也是一种艺术,如何为自己发声?

文章来源:bbin信誉网站商务英语 上传时间:2020-06-09 浏览次数:


*本文转载自普特英语听力网。


敢说话也是一种艺术,有时候即使我们知道该大声说出来表达自己的合理诉求,为自己发声,但也很难做到。社会心理学家Adam Galinsky揭露了为什么我们会感到纠结,同时他提供了几种方法,帮助我们学习如何维护自己的权利,处理棘手的社交场合



Speaking up is hard to do. I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, when my wife and I became new parents. It was an amazing moment. It was exhilarating and elating, but it was also scary and terrifying. And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital, and we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. And we wanted to call our pediatrician, but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. So we worried. And we waited. When we got to the doctor's office the next day, she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. Our son is fine now, and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. But in that moment, I should've spoken up, but I didn't.

放大声音的说话并不简单。我直到整整一个月前,当我与妻子初为父母的时候才理解这个短语的真正用意。那是一个神奇的时刻。那是一个令人兴奋与激动的时刻,但是那也是可怕的,令人恐惧的时刻。当我们刚从医院回到家的时候,尤其令人恐惧我们并不确定我们刚出生的宝宝是否能从母乳中得到足够的养分。我们想打电话给我们的儿科医生,但是我们也不想给别人留下不好的第一印象,或者被当作是疯狂的,神经质的父母。所以我们很担心。但我们选择了等待。当我们第二天早上去见医生的时候,她立刻给宝宝开了配方,因为他脱水很严重。我们的儿子现在已经好了,我们的医生也让我们放心,可以随时联系她。但是在那个时刻,我应该大声说出来的,我却没做到。


But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, and for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company. He was excited, and he was inclined to accept the offer. But as a negotiations researcher, I insisted he make a counteroffer, and I helped him craft the perfect one. And it was perfect -- it was perfectly insulting. The company was so offended, they literally withdrew the offer and my brother was left with nothing.

但是有时我们也会在不该说话的时候放声大说,我是在10年多以前,当我让我的双胞胎兄弟失望的时候,学会的。我的双胞胎兄弟是一个纪录片摄影师,在他的早期作品中,有一部得到了分销公司的青睐。他很激动,也倾向于接受这份邀请。但是作为一名谈判研究员,我坚持要求他拒绝这份邀请,并帮助他起草了一份完美的合同。而那确实是完美的——完美的侮辱行为。那家公司感到被冒犯了,他们就真的撤回了他们的邀请,然后我兄弟就一无所有了。


And the range of stories are varied and diverse, but they also make up a universal tapestry. Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities?

我听过大量的,各不相同的故事,但他们却共同编织了同一幅绣帷。我能在老板们犯错时纠正他们的错误吗?我能与老是踩到我脚趾的同事对质吗?我能质疑朋友讲的不合时宜的笑话吗?我能告诉我最爱的人我内心深处的不安全感吗?


And through these experiences, I've come to recognize that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. That's what happened with my brother. Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior. But sometimes we're too weak. That's what happened with my wife and I. And this range of acceptable behaviors -- when we stay within our range, we're rewarded. When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal.

通过这些经历,我开始认识到我们每个人都是有一个可接受行为范围的。有些时候,我们太强势了:我们给自己负压太大。那就是发生在我兄弟身上的事件所表明的。甚至提出一个建议,都是在他可接受行为范围之外的了但是有时,我们又太软弱了。就是我和我妻子所表现出来的。而这个可接受行为范围-当我们呆在范围内的时候,我们就会被奖励。当我们跨出范围圈的时候,我们就会受到不同形式的惩罚。我们被开除或贬低,甚至被排斥。我们失去加薪或晋升,或是一笔交易。


Now, the first thing we need to know is: What is my range? But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed; it's actually pretty dynamic. It expands and it narrows based on the context. And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, and that's your power. Your power determines your range. What is power? Power comes in lots of forms. In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. So my brother had no alternatives; he lacked power. The company had lots of alternatives; they had power. Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant, or new to an organization or new to an experience, like my wife and I as new parents. Sometimes it's at work, where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate. Sometimes it's in relationships, where one person's more invested than the other person.

现在,我们需要明白的第一件事就是:我的域是什么?但关键问题是,我们的可接受范围并不固定;它实际上是高度动态的。它会随具体语境而放大或缩小。有一样东西在可接受范围大小这件事上起决定性作用,那就是你的实力。你的实力决定了你的可接受范围域。实力是指什么?实力是以各种形式呈现的。在谈判中,实力以其他解决方案的形式呈现。而我的兄弟没有其他选择;他的实力不够。公司就有很多的备用选择;他们的实力很强。有时是新到一个国家,例如移民,或是新加入一个组织,或是对什么事情没有经验,就像我和我妻子初为人父母。有的时候是在工作上,有人是老板,而另一些人是下属。有时是在情感上,一个人比另一个人投入更多


And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, our range is very wide. We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. But when we lack power, our range narrows. We have very little leeway. The problem is that when our range narrows, that produces something called the low-power double bind. The low-power double bind happens when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed, but if we do speak up, we get punished.

重点是,当我们有强大的实力时,我们的可接受范围就会变得非常广。我们的行动就有了很大的余地。但是当我们实力不足时,我们的域就会缩小。我们行动就变得局限。问题是当我们的可接受范围缩小的时候,就会进入一种“弱势两难”的处境。当我们陷入“弱势两难”的处境时,我们不为自己说话,就会被忽视,当我们说出来的时候,又会被惩罚。



So we need to find ways to expand our range. And over the last couple decades, my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. When I feel powerful, I feel confident, not fearful; I expand my own range. When other people see me as powerful, they grant me a wider range. So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. Speaking up is risky, but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up.

所以我们必须找到方法,扩大我们的可接受范围。在过去的几十年中,我和我的同事找到了两个重要的影响因素第一点:你在自己眼中是实力者。第二点:你在他人眼中是实力者。当感到自己实力强大,就会很自信,不会害怕;就能扩大自己的域。当他人把自己看作实力强大的人时,他们就给予了我更广的可接受范围。所以我们需要工具去扩大我们的可接受行为范围。我今天就要给你们一套工具。大声说是有风险的一件事,但是这些工具会降低大声说的风险。


The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations in an important finding.  This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." Like a mama bear defending her cubs, when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice.

我要给你们的第一个工具是在协商领域被发现的,是很重要的一个发现。这就是我们经常说的“熊妈妈效应”。就像熊妈妈在维护自己的熊宝宝,当我们为他人声张的时候,我们就能发掘自己的声音。


But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. How do we do that? One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves is something called perspective-taking.

但是有些时候,我们必须为自己放声说。我们应该怎么做呢?为自己讲话需要的最重要的工具就是一种叫做“换位思考”的东西。


Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal flexibility. Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options.

还有另一种能让我们既自信,又能招人喜欢的办法,那就是展现灵活性。现在,想象自己是一名汽车销售员,你要卖给别人一辆车。如果你能给他们两种选择,你更容易卖出车。


Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up is when we have expertise. Expertise gives us credibility. When we have high power, we already have credibility. We only need good evidence. When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. We need excellent evidence.

另一种情况下,我们也会有自信大声说,那就是当我们掌握了专业知识。专业知识带给我们可信度。当我们实力强大的时候,我们就已经拥有了可信度。我们只需要好的证据。而我们实力不足的时候,我们就没有可信度。我们就需要极佳的证据。


So when a scene calls for it, be a ferocious mama bear and a humble advice seeker. Have excellent evidence and strong allies. Be a passionate perspective taker. And if you use those tools -- and each and every one of you can use these tools -- you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, and your days will be mostly joyful.

当情景需要的时候,变成一只凶猛的熊妈妈,或是一个谦恭的咨询者。拥有极佳的证据和强大的盟友。成为一个热情的换位思考者。如果你能够运用这些工具-这些是在座的每一位都能够使用的工具-你们就能扩大你们的可接受行为范围,你们的生活就会很快乐的。



敢于发声的重要性不言而喻,如果总是害怕说话,不会展现自己,不仅在职场上晋升很困难,在生活中,也永远只能是个默默无闻、毫无存在感的“小透明”。出色的当众表达,是提升个人魅力最好的武器!


下周小耐姐将分享“如何做好英语演讲”的实用干货,如果你也曾因不敢说话、说不好话而错失机会,请点“在看”,在留言区留下你的小故事,我们将精选留言送出小礼物,让我们一起变得更自信、更优秀!

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